Ms. Birthmom...

Having a bad day...

Sometimes when I am having a VERY bad day, I call either one of my boys.  I get to hear about how  they are growing up, maybe a cute anecdote is told.  That makes bad day kinda disappear. 

The more I think about it the more grateful I am to have open adoptions with the boys.  We will never have ANY unanswered questions between us.  

Just because I have a bad day or I want to talk to the boys, does NOT mean that I will randomly show up.  That is rude.  I will NOT call all the time, either.  You and your family are living your lives.  I want you to live your lives!  That was the whole point of this adoption thing to begin with.  I feel like I have to reiterate this fact sometimes.  I made an informed decision, I chose the people I did because I knew in my heart that they would be amazing parents.  

I have my bad days and good days, just like anybody else. 

If you have kids, I am sure you know this. They are the lights f your life.  They make you smile with an adorably cute quip.  Same goes here!

Ms. Birthmom

The Aloha Ohana Award

I received an award today.  My first bog award.  I feel so special and warm and fuzzy!  This award was  given to me by Cyn, The Good Enough Witch.  

Ohana is hawaiian for family.  For those of you who don't know, it comes from Lilo and Stitch.  Lilo meets this little alien, Stitch, and they teach eachother about "ohana".  It is my all time favorite disney movie.

Here is how this works...

1. Answer this question: If you were stuck on an island, what five things would you want to have with you?

2. Spread the Aloha Spirit to five other bloggers and keep the blog love going throughout the blogosphere...and keep that linky love thing going. Yeah, linky love!  

So, my answers are as follows..

If I were stuck on an island I would have to have...

     * An endless supply of Snickers bars, that way I could kill my chocolate cravings!

     * My stuffed dragon, George.  Hey, even though I am an adult, I still love my stuffed animals!

     * The quilt that my mom gave me for my wedding.  It is warm and it reminds me of my family.

     * A huge, industrial sized bottle of coconut lime body lotion.  Dry skin is no laughing matter!

     * My hubby.  Where would I be without him?  He is my other half!

I don't have five people to nominate for this award, but I do have a few.  Here goes!!

       Marc and Emily De La Torre

The Good Enough Witch

The Wornath Family

I know this isn't my usual blog post, but I really wanted to share with you all!!!!

Ms. Birthmom

Wordless Wednessday

ALL adoptees have issues!!!!

ALL adoptees have issues!  Do they?  ALL of them?  Isn't that generalizing a bit?  That would be like  me saying that ALL people who wear sneakers run.  That simply isn't so.

I am an adoptee.  I don't have any issues.  Relating to adoption, I mean.  In my research, I have found that a good majority of adult adoptees have issues with adoption.  They may have abandonment or anger issues stemming from their adoption.

These people might not have had an open adoption.  I was and am lucky enough to have an open adoption.  Also, my parents did everything in their power to let me know that it wouldn't hurt them in any way if I wanted to have a relationship with my birth family.  That in itself was a huge weight off my shoulders.  

As a birth mom, let me say this.  Your birth mom had the best intentions at heart.  She loved you so much and thinks about you every day.  She wanted to give you something she felt she couldn't.  Above all, SHE LOVED AND STILL LOVES YOU!!!!!

Ms. Birthmom

A poem on open adoption

I know I didn't write this but I love it.  It is everything that I want my children to know when they are able.

Once there were two expectant mothers. 
One carried and cared for you beneath her beating heart 
She became your Birthmother. 
The other carried the hope of you within her.
She became your Mom.

As the days passed, and you grew bigger and stronger, 
Your Birthmother knew that she could not give you all you needed after your birth. 
Meanwhile, your Mom was ready and waiting for you.

One day your Birthmom and your Mom found each other.

They looked into each other’s eyes and saw a friend. 
Your Birthmom saw the life your Mom could give you. 
Your Mom saw how much your Birthmom loved and cared for you.

They decided that what you needed was both kinds of love in your life.

So now you have two families, 
One by birth, the other by adoption.

And you have a home where you can get: 
your questions answered, 
your boo boos bandaged, 
your heartaches soothed, 
And much needed hugs.

And a place where you can find: 
answers to your questions, 
your image in the mirror, 
a part of yourself, 
And much needed hugs.

Two different kinds of families 
Two different kinds of love
Both a part of you.

© Brenda Romanchik

Ms. Birthmom

Real Parents?

"So, are your mom and dad your real parents?"

"Why wouldn't they be my real parents?", I reply to the kids on the playground.

When I was going through school, people (kids, mostly) would ask me this question, over and over.  I would get very frustrated and offended because my parents are my REAL parents.  They might not have given birth to me, but I was destined to be their child.  Families are made in so many ways and they are all different.  I tried the best I could to explain adoption to these kids.  They just couldn't get it.  

A lot of people don't get it.  Adoption is simply another way to make a family.  Are step-parents considered not real parents?  No.  Are single parents considered not real parents?  No.  Adoptive parents are just as real.  When my mom and dad held me in their arms, they felt as if I was meant to be their daughter.  Me, and no one else!  

Call it kismet, call it destiny.  Call it what ever you will.  We were meant to be together.

Ms. Birthmom

Wordless Wednessday

Healing My Heart

"What did I just do? I must be the worst parent ever!
" I was thinking that on the way home from the hospital. "I just gave my baby away"

I think every birth mom thinks that at first. We wouldn't be human if we didn't.

The thing that has helped heal my heart the most is knowing that the boys are ok. Receiving letters and pictures as proof that they are doing more than ok is so precious to me. I love opening my mailbox and seeing a picture bundle from them! It makes my whole day. As I am looking through the pictures, I am learning what they have been up to.

The knowledge that our children are doing wonderfully and thriving like we had always hoped helps the most.

Ms. Birthmom

A sisterhood...

Once a year in November I get to be a mom. Not a birthmom, but a mom.
How is this possible you ask? Well, every year the agency I worked with holds a brunch for birthmoms. All the birthmoms that can make it come to San Francisco and we all have brunch together. That time is sacred to us. We all bring pictures and stories. We compare notes, tell "war" stories. For those few hours when it is just us, we get to be moms. There are no restrictions. For those few hours a year, we are just a bunch of proud mammas wanting to show off our children.

It is really nice to be able to talk to other women who understand completely what you are saying. We cry, we laugh, we share, we love. We catch up with each other. It is a sisterhood, a club, a sorority. We are joined together by our common experiences. Our hearts recognize each other.

I am so grateful to have these women in my life. They have made my life fuller and richer.

Ms. Birthmom

Baby-napping? Nah....

"Are you going to show up at our house and try to take back our
baby?"

It may seem like a ridiculous question, but it is one I get often when talking to perspective adoptive couples. I blame the media. They seem to only publicize an adoption story if it is a bit scandalous. Reason being, Scandal sells!

My answer to the question above. "You watch too many Lifetime Movies." And yes, I really do say that.

Here is my logic behind that answer. When I made the decision to make an adoption plan, it was not a decision I made lightly. I was counseled along the way and up until the point when I signed all the papers. It was an informed decision. Besides, if I was going to baby-nap, where would I put him? Under my shirt? He was already there for nine months. Neither of us want to go back there.

Let me put your mind at ease. I will not randomly show up at your door. I will not try to kidnap your son. I may be his birth mom, but you are his parents!!!

Ms. Birthmom