Another birthmom's story

I just met this friend through Twitter.  She and I have TONS in common.  Here is her story.

I've always wanted to be a mom. I can't remember wanting anything different. I went through a boys suck stage when I was 10 or 11 and claimed I would never get married. My mother asked me how I would have a baby without ever marrying and I promptly answered "I'll adopt". Being a mom was always my plan.

I was blessed in high school to have a young love, my first love, when I was a senior in high school. We got to know each other over a summer and became 'official' by the start of the school year. I remember thinking that I had it made.

Things got complicated though. I started my final semester of high school and was waiting for test results to see if I had graduated early when I found myself pregnant. I was in total shock that night when those two pink lines appeared in my life followed by denial. I was 11 weeks along by the time I saw a gyno.

I knew from the moment I realized I was pregnant that adoption was the best route. I personally could never terminate a pregnancy and being an adopted child I knew the blessings I could give a couple. I had a cousin that worked for an adoption agency and she helped me look for some good parents.

Over the next weeks and months I ate egg salad sandwiches for breakfast, slept a solid 12 hours every night, felt the first kicks, felt the first movements, and little by little fell in love with the little girl I was carrying. It was such a bittersweet time for me. I was feeling all the first things of being a mother but knowing my baby would be for another.

I went into labor the evening of November 10th and thirteen and half hours later I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on November 11th. She was 6 pound 15 ounces of pure wonderful. I still remember being utterly speechless the first time I held her. I was so overwhelmed with this pure unconditional powerful love that was washing over me.

24 hours later I couldn't let go over her, I felt I couldn't go through with the adoption. I loved her so much and how can a mother give away her child? How was I supposed to walk away from this little life I had created and cared for all these months? How would she ever know I loved her with every ounce of my being, with ever part of heart and soul, and that I would give my life for her life if she was with someone else?

I was 19 years old with no job, no money, and nowhere for us. I had to ask a nurse how to change a poopy diaper. After a long day and night, after shedding so many many tears, I knew that it wasn't my time to be a mom yet. With tears and a broken heart I signed the adoption papers, said my goodbyes with kisses, and placed her in the hands of a nurse.

I know my little girl is in a loving home with two wonderful loving parents. I know she is cared for and has everything she could need or want. She has more than I could have given her as 19 year old mother.

I can't even get through writing this without sobbing. I miss my first born little girl every day. I love her more every day and a part of my heart will always be broken.

Today, November 11th, she is 5 years old.

Happy Birthday Baby, I love you

Reprinted with the permission of  Military Mama.

Keep Sharing your stories!!

Ms. Birthmom